Confessions of an Insomniac Pt. 4

Posted: July 2, 2013 in Uncategorized

I have some ideas for the next Madden game. Instead of rehashing the same game with limited improvements every year, add in new modes, here are some concepts;

  • Power outages – If it’s good enough for the Super Bowl, it’s good enough for a video game. Don’t allow players to skip it either. Just 15 minutes upwards of 2 hours sitting and still controlling your player while he’s sitting on the bench in the dark, waiting.
  • Have a Ray Lewis story mode. While the lights are out, you murder a couple people. Then you have to hire good defense attorneys, and keep your story straight, all while your web of lies becomes intertwined and confusing. But you still have to lead your team to a Superbowl victory.
  • A create a career mode. You play every aspect of your character’s life. From the games, to training, to developing a meth addiction after you’re traded to the Browns, and drowning your child in a bathtub because you think he’s a giant goldfish and are trying to return him to the water. Then you get to rehab, and see a therapist. Of course there are other paths you can go on, it’s like a choose your own adventure.
  • Less announcing and more cussing. Make this realistic. Strap the players with mics during the game, and when someone gets hit, you hear the wind leave their body, followed by “I think I shit my fucking spleen out.” DLC can keep this fresh.

It’s alright to have hobbies. Stamp collecting, model building, mechanics, carpentry, they’re all fine examples. Unfortunately downing a bottle of Kamchatka, and fucking anything that breathes isn’t. That’s just a search for AIDS.

If you make the mistake of making eye contact for more than 4 seconds with someone while eating a banana, you are socially obligated to pen a letter of apology to their parents.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Look at Pee-Wee Herman.

  1. Ginger Sparks says:

    This one made me laugh lol.

  2. Kayleigh says:

    That was a lovely post sir. Seriously though, wonderful ideas. Ray Lewis story mode if genius!

  3. kowens317 says:

    Reblogged this on Stuff, things, and junk and commented:

  4. Gary Cooper says:

    hahahaha. Dude I am linking this to my twitch and everywhere else i can lol.

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